


Reflections

by FancifulRivers



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, Spoilers for Episode: s05e18 A Single Pale Rose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-01
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-05-16 20:36:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14818425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FancifulRivers/pseuds/FancifulRivers
Summary: "I am trying to find myself. Sometimes that's not easy." – Marilyn MonroeIn which Pearl contemplates herself, and has a chat with Steven.





	Reflections

Pearl stays behind. It only seems fitting, since her traitorous gem is the reason Garnet unfused in the first place. If only she hadn't lost her cell phone-

But no. She shakes her head, folding deeper into herself on the lumpy couch. She  _wanted_ them to know. She wanted Steven to know. She's wanted to tell them for so long, it hurts, like her gem is cracked on the inside and not even Rose's healing tears could have soothed the sting.

Her fingers still twitch with the urge to cross over her mouth, to snatch back the truth and swallow it until her throat is raw. She's tried to console herself over the centuries, tried to tell herself that it's for the better if the others don't know that she never rebelled in the first place, that she followed her Diamond as loyally as ever. That she was  _proud_ to do so. They wouldn't understand. Only another pearl would. She knows that deep in her light-infused bones. It's different for other gems. None of them will ever understand and if she's honest with herself, really brutally honest, she doesn't want them to. It's like a secret tucked away in herself, something she can probe like a speck of grit.

Steven comes back into the house, shoulders slumped. For once, Pearl can't muster up the energy to stand, to go and comfort him. He looks exhausted. She's not surprised. He's had a painfully long day, punctuated by hours of searching for Sapphire. The only consolation they have is that she can't have gone off planet.

"Pearl?" He asks. She swallows hard, her hands fluttering in her lap like birds.

"Yes, Steven?" She replies, striving to sound normal, striving to sound like nothing is wrong (when everything is).

"Are you okay?" 

She feels tears burn her eyes. 

"Of course, Steven," she answers. She knows it's a lie and so does he. He comes closer, crawling up on the sofa.

"Please tell me the truth, Pearl," he says. She remembers Rose-  _Pink_ \- ordering her and for a moment, her skin crawls. But he is nothing like his mother. She has been reluctant to admit it, but she knows it's true. There is nothing behind his statement but concern. She feels no compulsion curling around her vocal cords, no coercion pulling her words free. There is only Steven and his warm, sweaty body leaning against hers, flip flops kicked to the floor.

"No," she admits, in a breathy half-whisper. "No, I'm not."

"I'm sorry," Steven says. Pearl stares at him in surprise. He has big, fat tears sliding down his cheeks and she doesn't understand why. "I shouldn't have said-"

"You said what I cannot," Pearl says simply, cutting him off mid-sentence. "Thank you." He looks up at her, wiping his eyes with his palms.

"I'm sorry my mom did that to you," Steven says. "I'm sorry she made it so you- you can't talk about it, it's not  _fair_ -"

"Diamonds often- choose to do things that may not seem fair," Pearl says, picking her words carefully. She can feel her throat tighten, her hands twitch in her lap as she tiptoes around the subject.

"It's  _not_ fair," Steven says, phlegmy and stubborn. "You should be able to talk about whatever you want. You were her  _friend_ , you were supposed to-"

"I was my Diamond's Pearl," Pearl says, and that's enough, her hands slam against her mouth and she curls over in a defensive hunch, panting for quick sips of air. Steven looks at her in wide-eyed horror, frantically patting her back and shoulders, murmuring soothing nonsense until she can sit up straight again, sitting on her hands as if that can prevent anything.

"Can I take it away?" Steven asks. He's chubby-cheeked and determined and looks nothing like Rose (Pearl loves him a little bit more in that moment for it).

"I- I don't know," Pearl says, looking down at the floor. She dare not hope- but she's been silenced for so long-

"I have her gem, don't I?" Steven says. "It's- it's tilted, but it's still her gem. Maybe I have her power, too. How do you break an order from a Diamond?"

Pearl's lips twist wryly.

"I am unable to tell you," she says. Steven deflates. "But S- Sapphire would know."

"I hope she comes back soon," Steven says softly. "For lots of reasons."

"Me, too," Pearl says. They sit in silence for a moment. "It's getting late," she finally says. "You should get in bed."

"Will you-" Steven hesitates in the middle of putting his flip-flops back on.

"Yes, Steven?" Pearl asks.

"Will you tuck me in?" Steven asks all in a rush. Pearl feels warmth spill through her, illuminating her from the inside out.

"Of course," she says. "I'd be delighted to."


End file.
